16 Dumb Things Retail Customers Say When They’re Trying To Be Clever Or Funny.

“You are so dumb. You are really dumb, for real.”

4 min readApr 22, 2019



When I’m interacting with customers, there’s nothing I hate more than a customer who thinks they’re clever or funny or both. I use the word thinks very loosely since most of the time they’re not clever or funny. While trying to be funny or smart, they say some of the dumbest things. Like stupid shit you can’t help wondering how they even think they’re funny. I know they’re just trying to be friendly when they go out of their way to be clever and funny, but I hate it. It seriously makes me cringe and makes me uncomfortable because you can tell when I’m faking or forcing a laugh. When customers do this, they’re putting the cashiers in an awkward position since they’re at work and they don’t want to be rude.

We can’t tell them that they’re a dumb sack of shit, so we must force ourselves to laugh and look amused when all we want to do is slam our head into the register. When customers try to be clever, they usually say things that they think make them look smart. They don’t clue into the fact that the things they are saying and questions they are asking are rude and dumb. After being with my job for eleven years, I’ve listened to my share of dumb things said by customers. Lucky for you all I remember almost everything a customer has said when they’re trying to be clever or funny.

1: “It must be free!” — After an item won’t scan.
No Doug, it’s not free. Nothing in this world is free and that includes your nasty protein bars that make your breath smell like dirt.

2: “I just printed this a few hours ago.”- When a customer hands you a $50 bill or a $100
Congratulations. I’ve heard that line ten billion times so that makes you ten billion times less funny than you were in the first place.

3: “Don’t you guys have a special discount you give to your best customer? — When they’re total is too much and they’re a cheap ass.
No, we don’t have any kind of discount like that. If we did you wouldn’t get it since you’re not our best customer. No one likes you, now brush your teeth. Your breath still smells like dirt.




Lifestyle Writer | Chronic Pain Sufferer | Sepsis Survivor | Golden Girls Enthusiast, Las Vegas Fanatic & Horror Movie Lover. https://linktr.ee/jennybwriter